The good bits at the end

So we've moved into our new place and have been here for a solid month. The difference in the level of peace is amazing. It's not our perfect home, but it's a really great one in this moment. We've been able to have friends and family over, sleep more easily, take the trash out without being armed...

Ah. It's a breath of fresh air. We drove by our old place the other day and as the cops flashed their lights outside, we just felt this intense relief that we weren't going back - that we were driving right on past to a new place where we can rest. So good.

Things are changing.

I got an opportunity to move into a new position at my job. It would be full time and involve management and administrative responsibilities. A huge step up that will come with a huge step up in stress level as well. It's the equivalent of eating my vegetables because my current job is total ice cream. (Literally. I got paid to eat ice cream yesterday.)

I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but whether I take the position or not, I feel that God is lighting a fire under my bum to not be complacent. I can take this position or really start pursuing grad school, but it's time that I move to that next level of productivity instead of just enjoying my 4 day weekends.

For the love of money

I've been arguing with myself for the past month. Particularly as our big move gets even closer. I should be overjoyed at getting out of the ghetto - I've been praying for it for so long! And I am so excited about getting out.

And here's the but...

BUT, I feel so stressed out still! We've been attacked hardcore this whole month. And these last few weeks, it's hit us particularly hard in the pocketbook. We've had well over $2,000 in unexpected expenses come up this month. (My total monthly income is about half that.) Of all months. The month that we also have to figure out how to afford to move. So I'm feeling super stressed cause I don't know how we're going to come up with $1,300 by Saturday for our first month's rent and security deposit.

And that's the thing, too. We don't necessarily need to figure it out. We certainly haven't been paying our bills out of our own resourcefulness. God's been providing this whole time. Why am I having such a hard time relaxing and trusting that He'll provide this time?

To love is to serve

So here's what's on my heart tonight:

Jesus showed us that loving means serving. He and His Father also said that loving means obeying. Jesus demonstrated through his life's work that the heart of God is serving the hungry, the widows, the orphans, the homeless, and the imprisoned. Anyone down on their luck or trampled on by society are the ones that we are commanded to show compassion to.

I'm leading the community service ministry at my church and it's honestly been a bit frustrating at times. There's a surprising amount of people I've encountered that say they are too busy, aren't skilled enough, or (my personal favorite) just don't feel like serving (although I do appreciate the latter's honesty). My initial reaction has been to get a little indignant. I mean, Jesus tells us pretty plainly that serving is what we should be doing. It's pretty unquestionably a requirement of anyone who claims to love Jesus.

And that's where my heart is starting to change. I've been praying for God to convict my church family. To make them realize how wrong it is to not serve. But what I should be praying is that they fall head over heels in love with Jesus.

I'm reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller (good book, btw). In it, he talks about his church and the awesome ministries they have (like feeding 100+ homeless teenagers every week). But the process by which these ministries come about is one that involves prayer, fasting, and seeking the face of the God they love.

I've realized that there's not a whole lot of point in being a warrior for social justice unless it comes from a place of loving Jesus so much that you are swept away into service for Him. When you love someone, you want to know what's important to them. You want to experience those things with them. Community service shouldn't come from a sense of obligation, but from a desire to show Jesus how much you love Him and live out that love.

So I feel like a jerk for looking down my nose at some of my church family because Jesus wasn't doing the same things in them that He was doing in me. I'm now quite certain He's been doing equally amazing - albeit different - things in their lives. And now I'm excited to pray that Jesus sweeps them off their feet and they love Him more and more everyday. Because I'm starting to see what that looks like and I can't help wanting everyone to see the humble love that Jesus offers. I want everyone to know what amazing fruit being joyfully inconvenienced for your Savior can bring.

Movin' on up!

FINALLY!!!!!!

WOOHOO!!!!

We are moving the hell out of the ghetto!!!!!!!

So excited.

We got an opportunity to move into the top half of the home of one of the family's in our church. It's only a mile from where we're at now, but there's a million miles of difference in the neighborhood. We're going to have 2 bedrooms, a big bathroom (with 2 sinks!), and the small landing area that's upstairs. PLUS we'll have full access to downstairs where the kitchen, dining room and living room are AND there's a small backyard with a BBQ!!! All of that for a little less than what we're paying now.

I'm so excited to get out of here, but I have to admit, I'm not sure I really believe it yet. We've had several close calls on getting out of here, but obviously none of those panned out. I'm just trying to trust God that this is really what he has for us.

Weird story - within the first few months of us being down here, I was talking to one of my then-coworkers. I was complaining about living in the ghetto and saying how we were hoping to be out soon. His response? "Oh no, dude. You'll be there for at least three years. That's just the minimum for putting in your time in the ghetto." I told him to take it back. He didn't. He said it was just fact. When we move at the end of this month, we will have been in the ghetto for 1 week shy of three years. I guess our time is up!

Praise the Lord!

Catch Up or Ketchup or Catsup

I just looked at the date of my last post and realized it's been quite a while. There's been a lot of revelation going on, but I haven't really been in the mood to write - and I'm not sure I am now, but feel like I should keep this thing going.

Things have really been looking up. A few weeks ago, I went on a women's retreat that was phenomenal. It transformed how I view myself - as a child of the most High God - not just a bump on the log we call Earth. Significantly, it also made me start to recognize that as God's child, I am not someone He will abandon, forsake or ignore. He is my daddy and has PROMISED me good gifts, a hope and a future. My inheritance is nothing short of the kingdom of God. Such a huge shift from just a few months ago when I was feeling so abandoned and like God either wasn't there or didn't like me very much. Like I had done something wrong (or not enough of something right) and was being punished for it. I now know that the truth of God's word (and therefore His character) is that He loves His children.

Also, things have been turning around on the financial front. Monumentally, July will be the first month we'll be able to pay rent on our own since last September! It's hard to believe that it's been nearly a year since we took what was already a crazy adventure and decided to dive head first into much more uncertain waters. I remember thinking what a great testimony our story will be when we're on the other side of it, and even though we're not out of the ghetto yet, we've already got our testimony. John spoke in church last Sunday and shared a powerful word. He told our church family that he can now attest with absolute certainty that God keeps his promises.

Man, we've been through it, but it feels good to be in a place of certainty. Not of where we'll be even a month from now, but of a good God that loves us and has great things in store for us.

Love song

When I talked to Jesus today, He sang me a love song.

I've heard this song before and really like it. But as I heard it today (a bummer of a day), I heard God say, "What if I were singing these words to you?"

Hit me like a ton of bricks. Love bricks.

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I would offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry, I'd go blind for you
I'd go crawling down the aisle for you
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging on a rolling sea
Down the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
But you ain't seen nothing like me yet
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love

PS - It's a Bob Dylan song, but I like Adele's version best.

Puberty

I feel like a pubescent Christian. I'm all angsty and growing in places I've never grown before.