When I talked to Jesus today, He sang me a love song.
I've heard this song before and really like it. But as I heard it today (a bummer of a day), I heard God say, "What if I were singing these words to you?"
Hit me like a ton of bricks. Love bricks.
When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I would offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry, I'd go blind for you
I'd go crawling down the aisle for you
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging on a rolling sea
Down the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
But you ain't seen nothing like me yet
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love
PS - It's a Bob Dylan song, but I like Adele's version best.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Puberty
I feel like a pubescent Christian. I'm all angsty and growing in places I've never grown before.
It's all getting clearer
So John and I are in this discipleship group at church. I didn't really want to go at first because I was feeling a little burnt out on church stuff, but I'm so glad I have gone.
This evening we were talking about God's calling on our life - what "calling" actually means and the application of that definition in our lives. (The moral of the story is that we're called to be in relationship with God - anything else we do may be led/blessed/gifted by God, but it's not our ultimate calling or purpose in life.)
God revealed a couple of pretty profound things for me tonight. So profound, I thought I'd share them here in an effort to record them and spread the positivity around.
1. I'm a fighter and I don't need to be. The way I approach figuring out situations is often in a very combative manner. I tend to argue and challenge - God, friends, authority figures, etc. - until I figure out where I stand. It's not that I'm trying to fight, it's just that I want to know the answer and I won't stop asking questions or debating until I feel like I have an answer that's good enough to fit my standards. I often get frustrated if I feel like people aren't answering the question I'm asking, if I don't understand what they're trying to say, or if I feel they don't understand what I'm trying to say. I feel like God nudged me tonight and let me know that maybe I should just ask the question and listen to His answer before I get riled up. But maybe it's also good that I want to get to the root of the matter and am not satisfied with shallow answers.
2. I don't need to know what's next, I just need to know Him. I don't think I can express how earth shattering/worldview changing this was for me.
I finally admitted to myself recently that I'm not good with abstract things. I'd like to think of myself as a laid back person but have been described by several people as a "go getter". I don't really like that definition of myself but am realizing it's fitting. I really like to DO stuff. I like to go. I like tangible results. But I also really need parameters within which to work. I get really antsy and frustrated if I'm not able to define my role, goal, or trajectory. I generally don't care what any of these are, I just want to know so I can start moving in the right direction.
It has been a common theme in my life for at least the past 8 years that I don't get these things. I'm currently working at a job where a) I don't have a job description to work from, b) I don't know what my purpose is on the team, and c) I'm VERY unclear on what my actual job duties are. I'm really grateful for my job but these things make me very uncomfortable.
Another example - When I was trying to decide what to do after high school, I begged God to show me what to do. I did everything I knew how to get a definitive answer on which direction I should take. In the end, my answer was "It doesn't matter what you decide, you'll be able to serve God either way." NOT the answer I was looking for.
Tonight I had this eureka moment - that I've been uncomfortable and not hearing from God for SOOOOO long because I was looking to the stuff - the action item - not to Him. I thought I was looking to Him. I mean, my general question/demand was, "I'll go wherever you want God, just show me where." And then I wouldn't get an answer and get frustrated that I wasn't hearing from God. Then I'd try and figure out if where I was was the right place and where God wanted me to be. Tonight I heard loud and clear that I've been focusing on going somewhere, doing the right thing, being in the right place, instead of just getting to know God. He's taken almost everything I'm comfortable with away to show me: It's not about where you live, it's not about your job, it's not about who you've married, it's not about being rich or poor. It's about Me (God). My plan is going to be accomplished no matter what you do. What you do is not important. Getting to know Me is.
I mean, I've literally been searching for the right lesson to be learned, the right thing to be done that would mean that God would let us out of this ghetto. Turns out He's the answer. It's like those "guess the pattern" games. I kept on looking for the right pattern in everything but the most obvious answer. And now that I've figured out the answer, the ghetto doesn't matter anymore.
That's what Paul was talking about when he said, "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." (Phil 4:11-13)
So often, verse 13 is taken out of context. But it's not that we can accomplish whatever we want through Christ, it's that no matter what our circumstances, He's always there so there'll always be strength enough to find joy.
This evening we were talking about God's calling on our life - what "calling" actually means and the application of that definition in our lives. (The moral of the story is that we're called to be in relationship with God - anything else we do may be led/blessed/gifted by God, but it's not our ultimate calling or purpose in life.)
God revealed a couple of pretty profound things for me tonight. So profound, I thought I'd share them here in an effort to record them and spread the positivity around.
1. I'm a fighter and I don't need to be. The way I approach figuring out situations is often in a very combative manner. I tend to argue and challenge - God, friends, authority figures, etc. - until I figure out where I stand. It's not that I'm trying to fight, it's just that I want to know the answer and I won't stop asking questions or debating until I feel like I have an answer that's good enough to fit my standards. I often get frustrated if I feel like people aren't answering the question I'm asking, if I don't understand what they're trying to say, or if I feel they don't understand what I'm trying to say. I feel like God nudged me tonight and let me know that maybe I should just ask the question and listen to His answer before I get riled up. But maybe it's also good that I want to get to the root of the matter and am not satisfied with shallow answers.
2. I don't need to know what's next, I just need to know Him. I don't think I can express how earth shattering/worldview changing this was for me.
I finally admitted to myself recently that I'm not good with abstract things. I'd like to think of myself as a laid back person but have been described by several people as a "go getter". I don't really like that definition of myself but am realizing it's fitting. I really like to DO stuff. I like to go. I like tangible results. But I also really need parameters within which to work. I get really antsy and frustrated if I'm not able to define my role, goal, or trajectory. I generally don't care what any of these are, I just want to know so I can start moving in the right direction.
It has been a common theme in my life for at least the past 8 years that I don't get these things. I'm currently working at a job where a) I don't have a job description to work from, b) I don't know what my purpose is on the team, and c) I'm VERY unclear on what my actual job duties are. I'm really grateful for my job but these things make me very uncomfortable.
Another example - When I was trying to decide what to do after high school, I begged God to show me what to do. I did everything I knew how to get a definitive answer on which direction I should take. In the end, my answer was "It doesn't matter what you decide, you'll be able to serve God either way." NOT the answer I was looking for.
Tonight I had this eureka moment - that I've been uncomfortable and not hearing from God for SOOOOO long because I was looking to the stuff - the action item - not to Him. I thought I was looking to Him. I mean, my general question/demand was, "I'll go wherever you want God, just show me where." And then I wouldn't get an answer and get frustrated that I wasn't hearing from God. Then I'd try and figure out if where I was was the right place and where God wanted me to be. Tonight I heard loud and clear that I've been focusing on going somewhere, doing the right thing, being in the right place, instead of just getting to know God. He's taken almost everything I'm comfortable with away to show me: It's not about where you live, it's not about your job, it's not about who you've married, it's not about being rich or poor. It's about Me (God). My plan is going to be accomplished no matter what you do. What you do is not important. Getting to know Me is.
I mean, I've literally been searching for the right lesson to be learned, the right thing to be done that would mean that God would let us out of this ghetto. Turns out He's the answer. It's like those "guess the pattern" games. I kept on looking for the right pattern in everything but the most obvious answer. And now that I've figured out the answer, the ghetto doesn't matter anymore.
That's what Paul was talking about when he said, "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." (Phil 4:11-13)
So often, verse 13 is taken out of context. But it's not that we can accomplish whatever we want through Christ, it's that no matter what our circumstances, He's always there so there'll always be strength enough to find joy.
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