Jonah had a point

My pastor just finished a series on Jonah last night. I love the story because I could always relate to Jonah - what fishes have I been swallowed up in?

One of the things that we talked about last night is how silly Jonah looks. The dude just throws a fit and falls in it at God. He pouts and stomps his feet. He gives himself a time out and sulks outside the city. God asks Jonah if he has a right to be angry and Jonah shouts back, "YES! In fact I'm so angry I want to die!"

Dramatic words and his reaction can seem immature - almost laughable. Because God leads us to learn through the scripture that it's obvious Jonah had no right to be mad. Because Jonah didn't create any part of the situation, he has no right to the outcome and his job is only to rejoice at God's hand.

But as I'm listening and we're all sort of laughing at Jonah, I thought - what if Jonah had a point? In Jonah chapter 4, he gets really mad that God redeems the city then he sulks outside of it. God makes a vine grow to give him some shade. Jonah is stoked about the refreshing shade. Then God sends a hot wind and a worm to eat up the vine. Then Jonah gets PISSED. God asks him - what right do you have to be mad? And that's when Jonah stomps his feet and tells God that he has every right to be mad.

We laugh because it's a vine and maybe because we can all relate to the hissy fit Jonah is throwing. I started to think about some high school friends who very recently lost their 18 month old to an accidental drowning. It was a freak accident and truly tragic. What if the vine was their little girl? What if the city that got redemption was the pool fence installer who didn't install the fence correctly? Their little girl was a gift from the Lord that brought them great joy. Then that gift was taken away. What if the fence installer gets grace and mercy instead of justice? Wouldn't they have a right to be mad? What things in our lives do we rejoice in but have been taken away?

What I love and wrestle with in this scripture is that God makes it clear that we don't have a right to be angry about the gifts He gives us that ebb and flow in our lives. They're just that - gifts. We don't have ownership over them because we didn't create or earn them. But when Jonah gets really mad because it can feel very much like God's gifts are ours that we have a right to, God doesn't tell smite him or demand that he stop feeling mad. He just gently asks the question. Have you really thought about this Jonah? And don't you remember that my greatest priority is loving my people?

God is a gentlemen and responds to Jonah's anger with a reminder about his compassion. He doesn't get angry back, He just creates the space for Jonah to have a heart shift and it seems that God waits patiently for this to happen.

Testify

This is my testimony. Or rather, His.

Here's the rundown:
My husband and I got married and promptly moved to the ghetto of Long Beach (unintentionally) 5 years ago. We lived in that ghetto for exactly 3 years. We now live in the "gay ghetto" 2 blocks from the beach - it's hardly ghetto and a serious upgrade from our first place. The entire time we've struggled through long stretches of unemployment, failed businesses, and the struggle of figuring out how to be married when grown-up life turns out to be nothing of what we thought it might.

Here's some perspective on our adventure thus far:

I lived in the ghetto and hated it. I tried to see redemption and came up empty handed. I didn't love my neighbors. I hated their violence and drugs and could barely see through the fog of my hatred to catch a glimpse of their humanity. I doubted when my wish list of prayers wasn't answered the way I thought they should be. I decided that maybe I just couldn't believe anymore.

But He was faithful. Even when I gave up, He stood by my side, patient with my temper tantrum.

My testimony isn't about how I prayed diligently or was humble enough to earn grace. It isn't about how I grew to find the virtue in living in a truly crappy place. I have friends who intentionally and missionally live in Compton. They build relationships with their neighbors and live there for the purpose of loving their community. It is beautiful. My attitude about living in my ghetto was the opposite.

I am not and have never been worthy of mercy like His. My testimony is not about my faithfulness in dire circumstances or choosing joy in trials. It's about His faithfulness. I'm not faithful. He is.

So often we hear - if you just remain faithful... be diligent in your prayers, read His word daily, you'll be able to remain in His peace no matter your circumstance. Folks, I chose to pout. I chose to cry and throw a fit the likes of which a grown woman should never see. But even in my inconsistency, He was consistent.

We couldn't pay rent for a full year. Rent was paid. Every month. On time. I freaked out every month around the 25th wondering how we would pay. It took a full 6 months before I learned to calm down and rely on the Lord of provision.

I doubted and screamed and cried. He calmly walked beside me through the valley and loved me the whole time.

All the time

I'd just like to share about how good God is. This is my first week of embarking on a tough stage in my life. Between work, school, and internship, I'll be working 70 hours/week. Learning new things and working at places that are really tough emotionally (hospice and homeless young adults) with only every other Saturday off is daunting. However, I feel like that's what God is asking me to do for this moment and I will be obedient in walking through it with Him. Last night at church I was praying through feeling exhausted and asking God to show me how to be joyful when I'm stretched to the limits like this. I was reminded to be thankful and focus on Him.

So today, I start work at 7am and go straight to school and don't get out until 10pm. It's a long day and I was dragging myself out of bed to do it. Then this morning I got great news at work. And then I walked out of the office to run to the mini-mart next door and lo and behold my husband was walking up to me with a soda treat in hand!

These small things just made me feel so blessed and assured of the fact that God will get me through this. By my strength, I just can't. There's no way. But He will see me through.

And on a slightly related note... I feel like I keep hearing about people's stories of God's provision. "My car was broken and then God provided the money to fix it! Isn't God good?" I think these stories are great. But I sometimes feel like saying to these people - even if God doesn't fix your situation, He's still good. It can feel like the implication is that God proves His existence and goodness by changing the bad situation or giving us a way out. But I've learned that even if the rent doesn't miraculously get paid. Even if the cancer takes over. Even if I sleep in a park. Even if He doesn't provide a way out of working 70 hours/week. He is still good because through it all, He will never leave us. Never forsake us. THAT is His promise. Not that bad stuff won't happen, but that He will be with us through all of it. He is not God because we are blessed, we are blessed because He is God.

I have been recently and continuously overwhelmed by the intensity of life. It is achingly beautiful and hard and BEAUTIFUL.

Like living in color for the first time.

Like eating frozen orange juice concentrate right out of the can.

That is all.

The LGBT Pride celebration was last weekend. We live right in the middle of the central neighborhood - it gets so busy around here that we avoid moving our car for the whole weekend to avoid the endless search for parking.

I watched the parade with my students and it was generally a fun time, but has brought up a lot of stuff for me.

The other impetus for all this "stuff" that's been stirring around is a conversation with my pastor. I posted on facebook that I was disappointed that North Carolina had passed the amendment to their constitution banning gay marriage. Within 10 minutes, my pastor had an email in his inbox letting him know that one of his council members had been supporting gay marriage in public. What would that say about our church?!

(Sidenote: to my pastor's credit, he did not ask me to take it down or jump on any sort of alarmist band wagon. He knows my heart is love and acts accordingly.)

I've spent the last week or so just being disgruntled. What would it say about our church? Firstly, this is my opinion and I do not speak on behalf of my church on my personal facebook page. But what does it say? I don't know, maybe that we believe that loving other people is the most important thing? That we've read our Bibles and see that Jesus loved people - even the ones the rest of his contemporaries deemed unworthy of love or were repulsed by - and that he never once gave his opinion on homosexual relationships. But you know what he did give his opinion about? Divorce. Consumerism. Bigotry. Discord. Selfishness. Grace. Redemption. The absolutely life changing power of His love.

Here's my conclusion thus far: we should be so busy loving other people (modeling our lives after our Savior) that we don't have time to condemn others. If we have time to criticize others, maybe we should really look at our priorities and make sure they mirror the one who gives us the title CHRISTian.