Peace.

It's amazing how different this new year has been. From an outside perspective, nothing has changed, really. We're both still unemployed and have no idea how we'll pay rent or bills. But from an insider's perspective, it's an entirely new ball game.

A few posts ago, I talked about an amazing service at Halogen - the first of the new year led by Greg. That night turned out to be the start of a total attitude change for me. Because of that night and many things since then, I've been able to take comfort in resting in the knowledge that my Creator has and will take care of me. This revelation has sparked a new sense of purpose, a kinder, gentler attitude and a profound sense of peace.

The pictures above and below are of our apartment today. It's still the same ghetto apartment with ice cream trucks and yelling going on outside, but inside we're listening to mellow music and reading and crocheting in candlelight. Tension, worry and stress just don't live here anymore. Today, I applied to jobs, followed up with some contacts and did everything I know how to move forward. But the rest is up to God - and recognizing and trusting in that has made all the difference in the world. So after I scoured all of the job websites and applied to a few, I was able to sit back, relax and work on my very first crochet project for myself while sipping some earl grey. (Said crochet project laying on the couch in the picture below.) The hubs and I even played a few games of mancala together.


Not only has this year been more peaceful, but it's just been 1000 times more fun. We've found ourselves (at our poorest) doing all kinds of fun things - trekking to Hollywood, having dinner with friends, going to parties, having friends over, getting to know new people...

God showed me last night that even when I've run away, been disobedient, been pissed and questioned my faith in His very existence, He consistently provided us with an abundance. Even when I refused to open my eyes and see it all, He has kept us safe and fed and healthy.

And here's the take home message - now that I *have* opened my eyes to see Him and all that he's provided, life is so much better. Instead of feeling angry, frustrated, and generally short changed, I feel blessed with so much more than I deserve and excited for a future that I know will blow my mind.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jer 29:11 (NIV)

A Better (Wo)Man

A Better Man

written by: Kevin Moore / O. Osbourne

Sittin' here in my problem
What am I gonna do now
Am I gonna make it
Someway, somehow
Maybe I'm not supposed to know
Maybe I'm supposed to cry
And if nobody ever knows
The way I feel
It's all right
And it'll be ok

I'm gonna make my world a better place
I'm gonna keep that smile on my face
I'm gonna teach myself how to understand
I'm gonna make myself a better man
Climbing out of the window
Climbing up the wall
Is anybody gonna save me
Or are they gonna let me fall
Well I don't really wanna know
I´ll just hold on the best I can
And if I fall down
I´ll just get back up
It'll be alright
It'll be ok

Maybe I'm not supposed to know
Maybe I'm supposed to cry
And if nobody ever knows
The way I feel
That's all right
It'll be ok

Life is Beautiful

Life Is Beautiful

written by: Kevin Moore / Colin Lindenr

Let's go drifin through the trees
Let's go sailing on the sea
Let's go dancing on the juke-join floor
And leave our troubles all behind, have a party

So easily forgotten, are the most important things
Like the melody and the moonlight in your eyes
And a song that lasts forever
Each song getting better all the time

Life is beautiful, life is wonderous
Every star above shining just for us
Life is beautiful, on a stormy night
Somewhere in the world the sun is shining bright

I get crazy, so afraid
That I might lose you some fine day
And I'll be nothing but a tired old man
And I don't wanna be without you at the party

So easily forgotten, the most important thing
Is that I love you - I do
And I want to spend my days and nights
Walking through this crazy world with you

Life is beautiful, life is wonderous
Every star above shining just for us
Life is beautiful, on a stormy night
Somewhere in the world the sun is shining bright

So easily forgotten, the most important thing
Is that I love you - I do
And I want to spend my days and nights
Walking through this crazy world with you
(that's right baby)

Life is beautiful, life is wonderous
Every star above shining just for us
Life is beautiful, on a stormy night
Somewhere in the world the sun is shining bright
Shining Bright

Megan and John are pimps!

Why are people drawn to Hollywood? If you've lived there (or maybe even just visited), you know that it's dirty, kinda dangerous, way over-crowded, but it has one strongly redeeming quality: you see stuff you see on TV. It's pretty charming to walk around, looking at the walk of fame, the landmarks and think "whoa, I've seen that!" That includes celebrities, which are, as you may have assumed, shiny like glitter.

Well, Megan and I had a good week with celebrities. Not because we saw them--we've seen a good handful before--but in hanging out with some of our friends who are more into the Hollywood scene, we've actually both had a celeb flirt with us within the last week. Nothing serious, but still amusingly blogworthy.

We went to iO West last Saturday. We saw a few celebrities--the improv group contained Louis CK, Neil Flynn, and David Koechner. Good guys. Sitting directly in front of us in the audience we saw Andy Dick, Arden Myrin and Mo Collins. I was looking around the audience and caught Mo's eye. She gave me a once-over and a "what's up?" smile. She was a lot hotter than you'd expect from someone who could pull off Gina in 40 Year-Old Virgin, as seen in this parody clip. Flirtations or no, the show was a real good time, and it was great to get out with some friends and see the crazies on Hollywood Blvd.!

But how cool is my wife? Let me tell you. I told her about it when we got home, and she was actually upset that I didn't chat her up for her number. She didn't give me a free pass, but she did fully support a phone number exchange. Wish I would've known! Ohwell, Mo was with a guy anyway.

Cut to Tuesday. Megan goes to do some filming with Tami on Hollywood, where they went out to record some impromptu dancing. Apparently it was a fun and crazy time that involved a great deal of rump shaking. The costumed people that hang out for tips were total attention whores and may have danced way too much. Already a fun day, Megan sees Ken Davitian, the big dude from Borat. You know, the one that runs around naked and puts his sack in Cohen's face. Megan looks at him and does a double-take. It catches Davitian's attention and he gives her a wink and a nod! Oh yeah baby.

Score one for the Robertson hot-o-meter!

Megan's footnote: I'd just like to point out that whilst my hubby gets hit on by super hot comedian lady, I get hit on by possibly the world's ugliest famous man. I mean really, we all saw the guy naked - the hair, the balls, the fat... ew. While indicative of our relative hotness, I am proud of landing a foxy husband who sexy Hollywood ladies would love to have for breakfast.

John's addendum: I think we all know the situation would be reversed if it was based on relative hotness. This is just a good example of what happens when one guy wins the flirt lottery and another girl loses the flirt lottery in the same week.

The Wonder of Job Searching

Well, since graduating with a degree in music (bad idea) and business (presumably good idea), I really haven't been able to land much gainful employment. Although I've been the poster child for God's amazing ability to provide, I'd like to not be anymore and have been looking for a good job since April '06.

Well, the job market continues to spiral out of control and as I lose my confidence to find work in the near future, I find myself wondering what's going to happen next. So, with bright eyes and a bushy tail, I applied to the Wonder of Reading. It's an LA-based non-profit that works with elementary schools to help boost literacy.

This totally hit home for me. See, I love to read, and I hate kids who can't. I used to feel sorry for them, but now I live in a neighborhood where some kids have nothing better to do than run around screaming and cappin' each other because they can't solve their life problems burying themselves in some sweet James Joyce. I mean, look at the girl below, she doesn't even know what the fudge to do with a book!



Okay, so about Wonder of Reading, I find their ad and they're basically looking for a regional director. I can direct stuff, and I'm awesome at reading and keeping kids in line, so I thought, "why not?" So I sent them my resume with the following cover letter:

Dear The Wonder of Reading,

I am conspicuously under-qualified for the position offered. However, I did teach myself to read at three years old and I'm sick of ignorant-ass little kids who can't read. I'm running out of options in this job market and thought I'd send my resume. Seriously though, I really do think I would be great in the position. I'm not afraid to give a child, nay--the entire public education system--a swift kick in the rear.

Respectfully,
John Robertson

Well, either they found it totally un-hilarious, offensive, or most ironically, didn't read it, as I received this in my email today:

Dear John Robertson,

Thank you for your interest in our recently advertised Elementary Literacy Director position. In light of your background and the position available, it does not appear that an interview would be mutually beneficial at this time. We will, however, maintain your résumé for a period of 60 days for future consideration.

We appreciate your interest in our company and wish you every success.

I don't think they appreciate it half as much as they claim!

Turns out God gives a shit.

I began church this evening by cussing out God. I refused to sing songs that claimed of His provision and was praying a pretty big "What the fuck?!" I was feeling pretty pissed at God for not showing up in my life. I prayed for some sort of interaction. When you take a step back, it seems like a pretty tall order to demand that the Creator of the Universe interact with you on an individual level, but damnit, that's what I needed.

And here's the crazy thing - He did. Despite my extreme doubt and anything but reverent posture, God gave me the irrefutable proof that He's around. It was just what I needed.

Greg gave the sermon tonight which is a bit miraculous because (a) he hates speaking and (b) Izzy was supposed to speak tonight, but God held him up in Washington for just long enough to make that impossible. Also, Greg let us know that God woke him up a couple weeks ago with this sermon. After trying to go back to sleep, God persisted and Greg relented, writing it down on his iPhone under the covers. I feel pretty guilty that God woke Greg up for me, but I'm grateful that he listened.

Greg spoke about unbreakable faith - even distinguishing between unshakable and unbreakable. As I sat with my arms crossed basically debating about whether or not I even still believed in all this Christian nonsense, his words went straight to my heart. Then, to illustrate his point, he spoke about the life of Job. The book of Job has been the only part of the bible that has made sense to me in the last few months. In particular, the ending in which Job essentially tells God, "What the fuck?!" and God says "Who the hell do you think you are? Did you make the earth? Didn't think so." (See earlier post for a slightly longer but equally poor synopsis.)

Greg only spoke about the first part of Job, but it was enough to get my attention. However, even at this point I wasn't completely convinced. After Greg's sermon, we sang "It is Well" which is a song that John and I have talked about identifying with.

THEN we sang "How Great is Our God". As we were singing, I was thinking that the word great didn't really represent the slightly better than good definition, but the great power of God. In the middle of the song, Pastor Larry interrupted with a word he received. He reminded us of the last part of the book of Job (surprise!) and that God was worthy of worship because he was great - not just good great, but powerful great. And that God always blesses unbreakable faith.

I feel so relieved that God spoke to me tonight. He didn't give me any answers about what's next for us, but that's okay. I think I just needed strong confirmation that it's okay to rest in faith right now. That our circumstances aren't random or without purpose. That this is where we're supposed to be and my job right now is to just believe.

Every day is a winding road.

The new year is here. And yet again, we've just barely scooted by a fork in the road to maintain our oh-so-unstable status quo. Through these last two years, we've had more moments than I can count in which we've been *positive* that life was going to take a big turn - sometimes for good, sometimes for the worse - but in any case, maintaining our current course seemed to be the least likely option by far.

However, nearly every time, we've stayed on this strange, uncomfortable path we've been on.

And here we are again.

Rent is paid for January, which, as you'll read in previous posts, we were sure wasn't going to happen. But it did. John's parents helped us out and paid our rent... again. I'm grateful for their generosity, really I am. They've gone light years beyond any sort of duty required of a supportive parent. I am an incredibly lucky daughter in law.

But, oh man, how I hate accepting it. I hate that we're not fully independent. I hate that we're (as the people around here say) "growned assed adults" and still depending on mom and dad to make it through. And I absolutely hate that God hasn't provided in a different way. I thought for a while that maybe God was teaching me a lesson about being humble, but I'm not sure I believe that anymore.

To be honest, I haven't seen the hand of God or heard His voice in a long time. I find that I'm constantly arguing with myself about whether or not I even still believe. I mean, there's something to be said for blind faith, but the whole point of Christianity is believing in a God that gives a shit and takes an active part in everyone's lives on an individual level. I want to believe so badly, but it gets harder every day. I'll take any sort of sign, I just need something that can't be easily explained away, ya know? Proof that God is good and more importantly, HERE.

So who knows? Neither one of us have jobs yet and we don't know how rent for February is going to be paid. So another fork is quickly approaching and I'm still holding out hope that God will show up.

I hope that I can look back a year from now and stand in awe at the amazing (and hopefully prosperous) things God did and not have one shred of doubt in my mind about who orchestrated every minute of it.