The Wonder of Job Searching

Well, since graduating with a degree in music (bad idea) and business (presumably good idea), I really haven't been able to land much gainful employment. Although I've been the poster child for God's amazing ability to provide, I'd like to not be anymore and have been looking for a good job since April '06.

Well, the job market continues to spiral out of control and as I lose my confidence to find work in the near future, I find myself wondering what's going to happen next. So, with bright eyes and a bushy tail, I applied to the Wonder of Reading. It's an LA-based non-profit that works with elementary schools to help boost literacy.

This totally hit home for me. See, I love to read, and I hate kids who can't. I used to feel sorry for them, but now I live in a neighborhood where some kids have nothing better to do than run around screaming and cappin' each other because they can't solve their life problems burying themselves in some sweet James Joyce. I mean, look at the girl below, she doesn't even know what the fudge to do with a book!



Okay, so about Wonder of Reading, I find their ad and they're basically looking for a regional director. I can direct stuff, and I'm awesome at reading and keeping kids in line, so I thought, "why not?" So I sent them my resume with the following cover letter:

Dear The Wonder of Reading,

I am conspicuously under-qualified for the position offered. However, I did teach myself to read at three years old and I'm sick of ignorant-ass little kids who can't read. I'm running out of options in this job market and thought I'd send my resume. Seriously though, I really do think I would be great in the position. I'm not afraid to give a child, nay--the entire public education system--a swift kick in the rear.

Respectfully,
John Robertson

Well, either they found it totally un-hilarious, offensive, or most ironically, didn't read it, as I received this in my email today:

Dear John Robertson,

Thank you for your interest in our recently advertised Elementary Literacy Director position. In light of your background and the position available, it does not appear that an interview would be mutually beneficial at this time. We will, however, maintain your résumé for a period of 60 days for future consideration.

We appreciate your interest in our company and wish you every success.

I don't think they appreciate it half as much as they claim!