I miss Santa Cruz. Northern California. Nature. Less Hollywood, less pressure, less self-obsession, less tragedy. We were talking about moving back and how both of us really want to but maybe it's not the right time. I want to be where outside smells good and the stars light up the night sky. Where the daytime sky is blue - not greyish brown.
Maybe I just want to run away. I got the official offer for the job, and I feel like I need to take it. It's the right thing to do - it'll look great on a resume, it's a huge step up on that career ladder, we could definitely use the money, and in all honesty, I'll probably get really bored in my current position sooner rather than later. And the "but" is that I'm dreading the freedom that will be taken away by the added stress and crappy schedule.
Buck up. I've got a great job in a shitty economy. That's good news.
And just to spread the humility around, let me tell you about my kids (and by "kids", I mean 18-25 year olds). I teach a spirituality class and a few weeks ago, asked them to write a letter to God. All of them wrote about how grateful they are for what God has done for them, for their lives, for waking up in the morning...
While I'm busy asking God for all kinds of things (idyllic childhood havin', educated privileged white woman that I am...), these kids are grateful for the worst lives I can imagine. You know those horrific stories about kids who grow up in the ghetto that you hear about on Oprah? One is 22 with a 6 year old by her father. One spent the last 4 years locked in a horrific mental hospital with abusive staff (think getting tied up and drugged while staff laughs) - and didn't break any laws to get there. One can't get out of the gang that caused the deaths of her best friend and brother. You get the idea.
And they are all grateful that God loves them, has changed them, and continues to protect them. How's that for a reality check?
