Thankful.

It's Thanksgiving weekend and my parents just left. I feel a little like the wind was taken out of my sails. I miss them already. It was so good to see family and just hang out for a few days. I don't think I realized how homesick I was.

Home being a people, not a place.

And I feel thankful. Definitely thankful.

Right now, our car has a blown head gasket and freeze plugs, work is really tough, we're still broke, and I'm working through some personal issues which make me feel raw and tired and vulnerable a lot of the time.

In the midst of each of these fires, I feel so grateful. Grateful for the trials. Grateful that I serve a God who loves me so much that He's willing to place me in his refiner's fire until all these impurities melt away.

To illustrate...
A couple of weeks ago, John asked how I was doing before church. I said something to the effect of feeling like I was being burned in the refiner's fire. After church, we were talking to our friends Rome and Aubrey. Rome started explaining - out of nowhere - how refining silver works. The refiner puts his silver into the flames and must watch it very closely because the metal has to reach just the right temperature to purify it. It has to stay in the flames long enough to melt away the impurities, but if it's left in the fire for too long, it will be destroyed. How does the refiner know when it hits that just-right spot? As he's carefully watching it, the moment he can see his own reflection in the metal, it's time to take it out of the fire. Rome looked into my eyes, right through to my soul and told me in no uncertain terms that my Refiner was watching me very closely and wouldn't let me stay in the heat a second later than was necessary.

(I hope you've experienced a conversation like that - one that is so obviously divinely appointed that you can't help but be overwhelmed by the experience.)

So see? How can I be anything but thankful? Our God loves each of us so much that He's willing to refine our character to reflect His own. He knows I can stand the heat because he created me and the furnace I stand in. He's watching to make sure I'm not overwhelmed by the flames. He's guiding and protecting me just like a good Father does. He doesn't allow me to walk around this earth in such bad shape that I become a poor example of His astounding love for all of us. He disciplines and forms me with great care, ensuring that while I may feel warm, I never get burned.

And in the end, I'll come out much more beautiful and useful than I went in.

Bad Day

Today I had to pay $50 to get my car off of a tow truck. Said tow truck jostled around my car just enough that the slow water leak is now a very fast water leak.

We don't have money to fix this.

I'm trying to stay in a peaceful state of mind in which I remember how blessed I am. I have a car. I have a job that will allow me to work from home for the afternoon (and by "work", I mean "blog"). We have an amazing friend who's willing to try and help us fix the car for the cost of parts. It's just a car. It's just money. We're in the hands of a God who always provides.

And still, I want to sit and cry about having a bad day.